change

going through a bit of change these days. had a bad ankle for 18 months and didnt know what was wrong so to get to the bottom of it was a real blessing. to spend every day feeling like somebody was stabbing my heel with a knife every time i took a step was not fun and really got me down. to be able to walk up a set of stairs without any pain has been amazing.

in a twisted way i was looking forward to the surgery because i knew if it was successful i was going to be free from pain although i wasnt keen on the length of recover (9-12months) and i was fairly calm about it until the moment the surgeon came into my room and said they would be taking me down in 40 minutes. i suddenly remembered an episode of grey's anatomy where somebody had a straightforward operation and reacted badly to the anesthetic and never woke up. there was also a movie called awake where the guy appeared to be asleep but actually wasnt so could feel everything during the surgery. not that im a drama queen or anything but i just started praying but not for the operation itself, the point of the prayer was to say thankyou to God for an amazing life, i hoped it wasnt about to end but if it did I wanted to make sure me and the big man were on good terms!

biggest change im about to undertake is a new job, back working with adults with learning dissabilities in a facility in bangor. in just over a week i start as team leader in blair lodge. i really hope im up to the job. before working in simon community i was a support worker with praxis and i believe that i was a better person when i worked there. my latest job made me much more cynical and i had got to the stage where i had no desire to work with the people i was meant to be helping. they had a much differant attitude to life and i was struggling. i remember when i started with praxis 5 years ago and it was a humbling experience in many ways and made me more thankful for what i had.