thinking

so i was thinking that relationships were pointless because they cant end happily. I was obviously thinking about romantic relationships but then I started thinking about all relationships.

This in turn got me thinking about the group of people i now work with, they all have a learning dissability and various other conditions which are likely to mean they will have a shorter life, some may only have a number of years left.

Does that mean I dont bother trying to help them? Hell no. I, along with the other staff, have a responsibility to ensure that each of their lives is as good as it can be in whatever time they have left whether it is 10 days or 10 years. Ive only worked there for a few days but I already feel myself become very protective of my residents, I love going into each of the units and seeing smiling faces. I had a few things on my mind the other day and walked in to check some paper work and was greeted with one of the residents running straight at me and giving me a massive hug. Totally made my day and made me realise that any of the issues I was stressing about really werent important at all.

cynical

i said to a friend a while ago that i thought relationships were pointless because they can never end happily. Either you split up or one of you dies.

started thinking about this the other day and thought maybe im being over cautious in some areas of my life. you'll never be hurt if you dont put yourself in a position where you can get hurt. but then you'll end up being too cautious and totally unhappy.

not really sure where im going with this, thinking out loud more than anything I guess.

change

going through a bit of change these days. had a bad ankle for 18 months and didnt know what was wrong so to get to the bottom of it was a real blessing. to spend every day feeling like somebody was stabbing my heel with a knife every time i took a step was not fun and really got me down. to be able to walk up a set of stairs without any pain has been amazing.

in a twisted way i was looking forward to the surgery because i knew if it was successful i was going to be free from pain although i wasnt keen on the length of recover (9-12months) and i was fairly calm about it until the moment the surgeon came into my room and said they would be taking me down in 40 minutes. i suddenly remembered an episode of grey's anatomy where somebody had a straightforward operation and reacted badly to the anesthetic and never woke up. there was also a movie called awake where the guy appeared to be asleep but actually wasnt so could feel everything during the surgery. not that im a drama queen or anything but i just started praying but not for the operation itself, the point of the prayer was to say thankyou to God for an amazing life, i hoped it wasnt about to end but if it did I wanted to make sure me and the big man were on good terms!

biggest change im about to undertake is a new job, back working with adults with learning dissabilities in a facility in bangor. in just over a week i start as team leader in blair lodge. i really hope im up to the job. before working in simon community i was a support worker with praxis and i believe that i was a better person when i worked there. my latest job made me much more cynical and i had got to the stage where i had no desire to work with the people i was meant to be helping. they had a much differant attitude to life and i was struggling. i remember when i started with praxis 5 years ago and it was a humbling experience in many ways and made me more thankful for what i had.

it's been a while

haven't blogged in over a year. mainly cos im lazy but also because if i think something i generally write it on facebook or twitter. not so much facebook anymore because i made the mistake of adding people who know my mum and everything i write tends to go back to her at some point!

mum isnt as open as me about things so when i write something like "woke up in a bad mood. had a good dump. felt better" she isnt impressed. she doesnt really get the whole facebook and twitter thing so when somebody rang her to say they saw a picture of my cast on facebook she was a bit confused. obviously the person who rang to say that to her needs to get a life.

Edwin Palacios

So sadly its just been confirmed that the body found recently was Edwin Palacios, brother of Spurs star Wilson. Deepest sympathies to Wilson and the rest of the family.

Wilson hasnt played in a few weeks since the body was discovered and at the Spurs v Man City game 2 weeks ago the whole ground erupted with many chants in support of Wilson, it was incredibly emotional and really touching. Jermain Defoe received the same support when he lost his brother last month. When the players came out at the end for the traditonal lap of honour the chants in support of Wilson continued and some fo the players were visibly choked at what they were hearing - was a lovely moment to be a Spurs fan and not a football in sight!

As much as I love Spurs for footballing reasons I love how they pride themselves on being a family club and I love how the "Spurs Community" supports each other. Spurs are a club involved with many charities and have set up the Tottenham Hotspur Foundation to support disadvantaged peple in the community and do a lot of work with folks with various forms of disability.

Obviously theres more to life than football but i love how Spurs get involved in the things that really matter in life.

It's fair to say we're not going to win the league every year but we're an honest, caring club and I'm proud to be a Spurs fan.

A few more cups would do no harm tho :-)

new job title

so now my new job title is Accomodation and Community Support Worker.

How the flip is that going to fit into the occupation section on my credit card application????

new hostel

so we are gettin a new hostel.

although its not confirmed in writing yet.

but it should be.

soon.

flippin drama queens.